I’d like to think one of the main attractions of this blog, or so I’ve been told, is its honesty. I try to be honest to a tee on here, from whether I think something’s worth the money, to talking about things that affect me day to day. I feel like this is my space to sit down and get things off my chest, all the while hoping someone, somewhere is reading thinking, “this is totally me girl!” There are very few times in life you really open yourself up to complete strangers, filter free and say here I am, warts and all. Well, this is one of those times. Minus the warts. Welcome to a little tale I like to call, What Happens When You Get a Bit Fat…

Once upon a time there was girl called Vickie. Vickie moved far away from home and was so lonely she made friends with some muffins in Sainsbury’s. For seven months, she’d return to her bedroom each day after work, pop on the TV and devour those muffins, along with sweets, crisps and pretty much anything else she could get her hands on. Anything that didn’t need to be cooked in a house she shared with four unclean weirdos. “I’ll start a fresh tomorrow” she’d whisper to herself before turning out the light, slipping into a sugar induced coma. Except tomorrow never came. As the eighth month arrived, Vickie rejoiced as she returned to her kingdom – Leeds – and vowed to get her wobbly arse into check. Promises and after promises to go to the gym and lose weight came and went. Those muffins had opened the flood gates to Fattyville, and it seemed she was applying for permanent residency.

Three years later and two and a half stone extra on the scales, Vickie looked in the mirror feeling deflated with a chin that was definitely inflated. Life changes when you get a bit fat, she noticed.

Each day starts with the same speech in the shower – “Today is the day I’ll change. It’s going to be amazing. I’m going to lose so much weight.” …Oh look, a cookie.

Dressing becomes that little bit harder, trying to squeeze your arms into a jacket which used to be loose is soul destroying. You spend most of the day pulling your leggings up (only elasticated waistbands around here people) so you can keep your jelly belly encased away from the public.

Which leads me to your dwindling wardrobe. You rotate the clothes you actually manage to fit in, which is five pieces in total, whilst refusing to buy anymore “because you’ll be skinny soon and there’s no point.” Plus shopping when you’re fatter than you once worse is like being on Bullseye and them saying, here’s what you could have had chubster.

You dread going to places you once did, in case you see people you once knew. “Like, what if he looks at me and thinks, she must have had a baby.” He would be correct of course – except it’s more of the food variety than human.

You become paranoid every conversation is about your weight. Someone makes a fat joke and you’re sure everyone is secretly looking at you to see if you’re offended. So you get in there first and make a joke about being chubby. Everyone looks awkward and you fake laugh, because that’s what fat people are supposed to do right? Be the bubbly, funny ones. You’ve become a waddling cliche.

Eating out is a nightmare because you’ve already told the world over you’ve started a diet. You are 100 per cent on it. You’ve even Instagrammed your morning oats and some quote about leading a clean life. Then you spot the full rack of BBQ ribs and your mouth starts to water. You decide there and then you’ll only order in from now on, with no-one to say, “So how’s the diet going?” while you’re knee deep in rib bones.

Everything takes that bit more effort. Walking becomes a chore, so you decide to drive everywhere. Mostly to McDonald’s drive-thru. The thought of the gym sends you into a cold sweat, but you join anyway and spend the next twelve months making excuses why you can’t go.

Your Facebook timeline becomes a shrine to your face, neck and shoulders. Anything below that gets cropped the f&*k out. The one time a friend tags you in a picture without your permission, you threaten to chop her up and stir-fry her in a wok. Do. Not. Tag. Me. When. My. Legs. Are. Showing.

You’ll turn to food with every emotion. Happy? Would you mind passing me the chips doll? Sad? Pass me the chips please. Stressed? Chips, NOW, idiot!

Hibernating becomes second nature. Why would you want to go out in to public when you can sit at home and wallow in your own self pity after being a greedy bint and not having the will power to say no that twenty seventh slice of pizza. What a sad existence.

So there you have it, a truth bomb just exploded on the pages of Apartment Number 4. Right now I can’t say there’s a happy ending to this tale but there will be. It just needs a little time. And a lot less bread.

About the author
Victoria is the editor and founder of award-winning interior design blog Apartment Number 4. When she's not scouring Pinterest for the latest in home decor inspiration, she's out shopping trying to recreate the looks herself.


    1. It's hard isn't it because I know what I need to do to get rid of mine! I just don't have the willpower to carry it through!! Anyway today is a new day 🙂 xxx

  1. It's all to do with breaking bad habits. Not long ago I couldn't have a cup of tea without a biscuit (or 2) but that was my downfall, 2 biscuits with every cup of tea adds up to a lot of calories – so I decided to break the habit. It was hard for about 3 weeks, but then I found that I didn't automatically reach for the biscuits and now I don't even miss them. That and cutting down portions, and my 2 Slimfast days a week and plenty of salads, plus less wine and crisps at the weekend, has lost me almost a stone in 2 months – without exercise (cos as you know my knees won't let me!!) So don't give up on it sweetheart, train yourself a little at a time, turn your back on just one thing you know you shouldn't have and soon you'll break that habit. And if you find yourself slipping, just give me a ring and I'll be your slimming buddy! Come on – you've got New York as your incentive!! M xxx

    1. Thank you mama, think something clicked when I wrote this, like finally realising how unhappy I've become in myself. Today is a new day and I'm taking your advice and breaking one habit. That habit is not buying sweets/chocolate to have after dinner! You've done so well to lose that weight! V.proud 🙂 xxx

  2. This. This is exactly how I feel. Nothing fits how it should (I am down to one pair of denim shorts). I avoid photos. I avoid seeing old friends. I'm avoiding the gym because I am too fat. But this lunchtime I have a salad. And this morning I woke up and did the 30day shred, Level 1, Day 1. Maybe this time will be the time I make it to day 30?
    Hope you find a way to make the small changes that will help. And if you do, please share them. x

    1. That's ace that you even bothered to do the Shred in the first place Emma! I couldn't even be bothered to go for a walk last night! I'm making some small changes though so will do an updated post in a month or so and let you know how I'm getting on 🙂 xx

  3. I so relate to this! Every week I think "this is going to be the week!" and then I end up eating a delicious dinner out (and washing it down with some drinks) by Tuesday evening! It's so hard to find the balance isn't it? x
    Sophie Cliff

  4. Ahh.. I'm on holiday blues right now and having a "week" off from dieting. My only friends right now are defiantly the sainsbury's muffins. I think its time to read a more motivating blog. S.X

  5. I honestly could not love you more for writing this post. Refreshing and honest, I think it really strikes a chord with us who've been there (university living off dominos and KFC did it for me)

    Beautifully written as well, as always, with the perfect dose of humour. I find nothing more motivational than your honesty and balls for putting this on the internet!

    Soph xx

  6. I had tears in my eyes reading this because for the last 6/7 years this has been me too. The cycle of guilt is horrible. Trying everything to get back on top of the situation is soul destroying. I finally found what seems to be working for me…not denying myself anything, no guilt…but eating any many veggies as I can with whatever else I want to eat and walking 1/2 hr a day. I've lost a stone. The hard bit is figuring out what works for you. We are complex things us humans. Great post, I love your blog even that little bit more now.

    Ally xx


    1. That's amazing to lose a stone Ally! I wrote this because I wanted to know I wasn't the only one feeling like this and even though it's rubbish that other people feel the same way, I know I'm not alone now! I want to start walking more, I used to walk everywhere but then I learnt to drive three years ago and then I drove everywhere, even to the local bloody shop! Thanks so much for commenting though lovely, it means a lot xxx

  7. Hi Vicky, I have never read a blog post before that sums up exactly how I feel with both humor and sadness. For me it it was as though the festive period just didn't end and I kept on eating. Slowly this year my clothes options are dwindling and on two occasions I have seen photos of myself and been literary horrified by the over weight bottom staring back! It has almost become my hidden secret sadness but knowing someone else is out there in the same situation might be the the inspiration to step away form the biscuits I needed and take it one pound at a time back to happy me. Brave story!
    Phoebe AKA Smartstyle Interiors

    1. I can relate SO much this comment Phoebe! I'm currently on my third week of boot camp and 11lbs down from my heaviest so I can only do what I'm doing! Like you say, one pound at a time to happy me 🙂 xx

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