So this week I’ve decided to forgo writing a Sunday Supplement and spend a little time writing a post I’ve wanted to write for a while. A few weeks ago I came to the end of a project I was doing called #100HappyDays. Each day I’d take a snap of something which made me happy and share it on social media. A few people commented on my 100th photograph to say they were going to miss the daily pics. As the days went on I realised how the project had opened my mind to things I wouldn’t have given a second thought to before. I’d gone out of my way to visit places and do things, so I could photograph them for a virtual memory later.
With that said, I decided I’d create the #SayYesMore challenge. One of the reasons I’ve felt so lonely down in London is because I haven’t put myself out there. When I first moved into my shared house I spent a lot of time in my room because I was struggling to adjust. I also said no to work things because I wouldn’t know many people and didn’t want to move out of my comfort zone – said comfort zone being my bedroom.
I’m now an anxious person and I don’t know where it started. I feel scared going to blogging events by myself, I get panicked about meeting people I barely know for drinks and I don’t like falling behind with work and blogging so spend a lot of evenings in writing. It’s a vicious circle to be in – the longer I shut myself off, the more agoraphobic I feel, and the more times I keep saying no, the less times I’ll be invited anywhere in the future.
I envy friends who go out all the time and meet new people, go on blind dates and go to events alone because they have the confidence to walk up to someone and say hello. I’m not a wallflower around the people I know and feel comfortable with, but in any other situation I feel socially awkward. My accent is too rough, my legs are too chunky and the person in front of me is about the catch me out any moment asking my thoughts on a huge news story I’ve completely missed because I’m listening to Kisstory on a morning instead of BBC News.
I decided last week that I would say yes to a couple of invites in my email inbox, one being an event by Coast. All I could think on the way there after work was that my make-up was rubbing off and becoming evidently patchy and the people there would wonder what I was doing there and who the hell I was. I had a power blazer on for god sake. I was like the Hillary Devey of the blogging world.
Except when I did get there, it was OK. I didn’t stop long, granted, but I did get some amazing images for my blog and managed to preview an amazing collection. The £100 gift voucher didn’t hurt either. But I didn’t talk to anyone – one hurdle at a time people.
What I’m trying to say is that I need to let go and start saying yes to more things. I always say I’m going to do this, but then I crawl back into my shell and the word ‘no’ pops out of my mouth more often than not. I worry too much about everything. I worry if I go will I see someone I know who will think “god she’s put weight on.” Or will I spend too much money.I even worry that my card will decline even though I know there’s enough money in my account. I worry if I stay out too long then I won’t get to finish a blog post I had planned. Or if I stay out too late and get drunk, then I’ll be hungover the next day and I’ll waste the time I should have had to spend on work.
I don’t know when I got to be like this. In college I was out all the time. I would say yes to pretty much anything, and not really care about the outcome. Even in uni I didn’t give a shit.
So here is the start of my #SayYesMore challenge. For 100 days I’m going to say yes to one new thing. Now it can be a new coffee at Starbucks, which I always say no to because I’m scared it will taste like crap and I’ll have wasted £3.00. Or it might be a press day which I would have otherwise turned down because I was worried about what they’d think of what I was wearing.
I’m going to documenting it along the way on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter and I would love it if you maybe wanted to join in? Saying yes could bring along some amazing experiences, and although I’m already panicking about losing a little control, I’m excited about what the next 100 days will hold.
Do you ever feel like this? If so leave a comment in the box below so I don’t feel totally weird. Have a great week lovelies.