I’ve been wanting to write this post for a little while now, but I’ve continued to put it off because I’m scared if I write the words, then I’ll jinx things. Here goes. I’m happy. Like happier than I’ve been in a while. There, I said it. I’ve been so scared to publicly admit that I’m content, because I was scared that as soon as I said it out loud the universe would bring me back down to earth with a bang.
My happiness isn’t down to a particular person, or a particular change in circumstance. I haven’t won the lottery and I haven’t met my Prince Charming yet.
But I feel happier with myself than I have in a long time.
In January of this year, I began to really dislike myself. I felt really down about how I looked. My motivation to do anything was incredibly low and I was angry at myself for not sticking to anything, whether it be an exercise plan or going out with friends.
Moving into February, I realised I couldn’t have another month like the last so I picked myself up and decided to sort myself out, both to help with my physical appearance, and more importantly my happiness levels.
I started to take better care of my body. I joined Slimming World and I also decided to set myself the challenge of cutting refined sugar out of my diet for Lent. Both have contributed to huge changes in my energy levels, my moods and my weight. I’ve currently lost 1 stone and 1/2lb (that half makes all the difference people), and even though I’ve got a wee way to go until I run around naked and free, getting some control back in my life has made such a difference. I also started to take better care of my skin and three months into using Liz Earle, it’s like I have a difference face. Not having spots has done wonders for my confidence and I’m just keeping my fingers crossed it continues like this into the summer when I can wear less makeup to go with my new wardrobe of significantly less fabric.
Which leads on to my next point. I decided to stop procrastinating all the damn time. I would constantly leave jobs to do, like empty the bin, or do the washing up, thinking all the time, I’ll do it tomorrow evening. It would all mount up and I’d end up feeling disorganised and stressed. I’d leave important projects at work until the last minute, and regret doing so when they didn’t turn out as well as I hoped. I’d lay in bed until the last possible snooze and then get myself worked up when I was late for the fourth time in a row to work. So I made the decision, from that moment on, I wouldn’t put things off, no matter how rubbish of a task. I can’t tell how much of a difference that has made to my head to not have a never-ending to-do list whizzing around at speed, constantly filling up. Even the small change of writing a note in my phone straight away if I need to remember something has freed up some much needed brain space.
This is a relatively new thing, but as from the beginning of last week I decided to take a break from social media. Facebook to be exact. I still love Instagram, Twitter and of course, Snapchat, but Facebook really isn’t what it used to be anymore. It’s not an enjoyable space, and maybe that’s because I’ve got the wrong sort of people on my timeline, but I genuinely feel better now I can’t see every Tom, Dick and Harry’s point of view blasted out every day, the constant moaning and the political statuses. I actually really enjoy building my Apartment Number 4 Facebook page and have some great interactions with people, but as for my own? I won’t be back visiting any time soon.
This might be the last point but it’s definitely not the least important. I’d spent so long over the past couple of months worrying about the future, where I was in life in comparison to where I thought I should be for my age, worrying about meeting someone and worrying about all my friends moving on with the next chapter of their lives and leaving me behind, that one day I decided to just stop. I stopped worrying about the what if’s. Yes I’m on a different path to what my friends are on, yes I’m still looking for that certain guy and yes, I’m not even close to buying my own place, but the constant nagging in my head was almost suffocating. Obviously those worries haven’t just gone away overnight, but I read something that resonated with me recently and I decided there and then that I just had to trust that I was on the path that was meant for me. I have to trust the universe has a plan. It will all happen when it’s meant to happen. I also make an effort every single day to be grateful for everything I have. I think every so often we get so caught up in day to day life that we forget how blessed we are in so many different areas of our lives.
I’m not saying I don’t have bad days, I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t, but with the changes to my body, conquering my sugar addiction, getting stuff done when it needs to be done and not worrying so much about the future, I’ve definitely got a smile back on my face again.
What do you do to get back to your happy space again?