I’ve just been watching a Youtube video about how to create really popular content for your blog and one of the points raised was the give your reader a conclusion, or a useful summary at the end of your posts. Teach them something new, and make them come back for more. Which is ironic really as I’m just about to sit down and potentially ramble on about how I’m feeling, with no conclusion in sight right now.
And what’s even harder is I don’t even know how to project how I’m feeling properly. I might as well start at the beginning. For the past month or so I’ve been feeling a little lost. Not unhappy. But waking up on a morning craving something more. Each day has become like ground hog day and I want change, but here’s where the hard part sets in. I don’t know what I want to change.
I have a lovely flat, great friends and family. I still enjoy my job six years in and I feel like my blog is doing OK for, what is basically, a hobby for now. But there’s something missing. I wake up and I literally crave adventure. I crave more than the mid level emotions I feel now. Hell, I crave something that will give me a roller-coaster of highs and lows. Right now, I’m coasting along in the middle lane of OK-ness. I want more than to feel OK.
I feel like I’ve already had a quarter-life crisis in my 20s – when I upped and moved to London – so I’m not sure why these feelings have suddenly come at me from left field. Maybe it’s because I’m at an age where so many friends are reaching pivotal moments, like buying houses, getting married and having babies? Maybe I’m finally ready to meet someone, after spending many years happy with me, myself and I? Maybe I’m ready to start sharing my life with someone other than Shirley and Audrey the cats? Maybe I need something to shake up my day to day life of going to work, doing the same job I’ve done for six years and coming home to a meal for one (who am I kidding – I cook for two, and eat both portions)?
I’m not expecting adventure or change to turn up on my doorstep (although if change was a tall drink of water with brown eyes and dark hair, then please god let him turn up on my doorstep semi-clothed) – I know it’s my life and it’s up to me to go out there and shake things up. I suppose what I need to do first is work out what it is I want to change.
The reason I’m writing this post now is because I went to the wedding of one of my best friends at university this weekend. I had an amazing time, and if you believe in soul mates then these two really are that personified. But all these feelings came to a head when I got into bed, feet hurting for all the dancing I’d subjected people to on the dance floor. Although the couple in question got married here in the UK, they actually packed up their bags and moved to Australia nearly three years ago. And listening to their tales of adventures together, from living half way across the world, to the amazing life they’ve created over there, made me question if I really was happy with my lot. I’m not saying I’m about to pack a suitcase and go live out my Neighbours fantasy with Harold Bishop, but in the words of Belle from Beauty and the Beast…there must be more than this provincial life?
So here we are at the end of my rambling. I’m sorry there’s no conclusion, I think I just needed to sit here, write and get these thoughts out of my head. I’m hoping potentially there might be some of you that feel the same way as me and can offer me some advice?
I guess I’ve got some thinking to do…